Book Review: When a Loved One Dies by Suicide by E. Shoener et al.

When a Loved One Dies by Suicide edited by Deacon Ed Shoener and Bishop John P. Dolan and published by the Association of Catholic Mental Health Ministers

With the death of our son Jacob, we have been looking out for resources to help deal with the loss. Several people recommended this book (with its accompanying video series) for a contemporary Catholic viewpoint. While Church teaching has not changed on suicide, understanding of the nuances of situations has increased. In many cases, mental illnesses and psychological disorders have a dramatic impact on the freedom people exercise in making choices. With a firm eye on pastoral concerns, this book provides ideas and examples to help those grieving the loss of a loved one to suicide.

Each chapter focuses on one person's experience dealing with the loss of a loved one. No one has an easy time, though often the hardships show up in surprising ways. Sometimes co-workers or friends become more distant or act as if nothing has happened. But for the grieved everything has changed and feelings of guilt and abandonment can be exacerbated. The person explains how they have processed their thoughts and emotions, coming to a better place after the shock and horror of the first days, weeks, months, and even years after the loss.

While the book is focused on Catholic teachings, perspectives, and experiences, a lot of the content is valuable to anyone dealing with the suicide of a loved one. The people talk about understanding the mental state and challenges their loved ones faced (many struggled with depression or bipolar disorder). They struggle to understand why God would allow this to happen and what does it mean for their own lives. This book gives pathways to hope, to peace, that don't require membership in the Catholic Church (though certainly fellow Christians can follow 90 per cent of the way). We are Catholic and found it helpful, though the road ahead is long.

The book has a video series that goes with it on the Formed streaming service.