The Norwich Horror

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift. Matthew, 5:24

On Sunday in Norwich we had a "best of times, worst of times" mass. We were at the Roman Catholic cathedral for 11 a.m. mass. In the huge nave, we selected a pew near the front so we could see the priest and the readers. It was awe inspiring to sit in the flood of blue light coming from the stained glass window so high above us. J snuggled into mommy's lap and whispered, "I'm so happy to be here." Mommy was thrilled to hear this and whispered back "Do you feel God touching your heart?" J replied, "Yes! This place is like a playground for my heart." Wonderful! Thank you, Lord. Soon L snuggled onto my lap, too and the children began quietly snuggling and nuzzling each other. Thank you, Lord. The best of times.

However, it is hard to remain in a state of grace. About 30 minutes into the service, the children were playing separately. J sort of followed along with the service. L played with some tiny dolls on the pew. J decided to join L's game and he crossed over to sit with her, but he tripped on the kneeler and crashed into L from behind, crushing her painfully against the pew. L took this as an unprovoked attack and, once freed, attempted to exact revenge by fastening her teeth into J's arm. Mommy yanked just in time so L only got a taste of his shirt sleeve. She was outraged and proceeded to howl her protest to the world. Remember all those pews we walked past to sit in the front? A loudly protesting L was carried past them all. In the cry room Mommy tried to explain to L that J had hurt her by accident. L didn't buy it. Eventually she calmed down enough to return to the pew. Alas, L has learned the old Klingon proverb--revenge is a dish best served cold. Back in the pew L took a toy, showed it to J (as in, want to play with this?) and then threw it as hard as she could into one of the neighboring pews. L needed another timeout and the walk of shame repeated itself. At the sign of the peace, L sat on her hands so that J couldn't grab her hand and shake it against her will. The worst of times.

L did not follow the advice of the scripture passage above and walked up to communion in a huff. Even afterward, she would not give J so much as a stuck-out tongue. It was a very long mass.

As with all challenges, this too has passed. L and J are friends again. At least for now...

The L Has a Thousand Faces

Joseph Campbell was stuck on the hero-archetype, but here at the Zombie Parent's Guide we are just as stuck on L! Here are some recent exploits...

She was transformed into a jaguar!

L the Jaguar...

...transformed into patriotic jaguar...

...transformed into firefighter jaguar...

...transformed into jaguar with strange thirsts!

In her less catty moments, L has finished nursery and is ready to move on to a new school where she will start reception (British for kindergarten).

Ready to graduate! (too bad I only had my rubbish cell phone camera)

With diploma!

Not one to rest on her laurels, she has also finished some great cooking skill achievements.

L knows what to do with leftover cookie dough!

Sharing cookie making credit!

She also doesn't sit on fences!

She's also starring in a revival of the Literal Interpretation of Daniel Plainview's Final Speech, I Drink Your Milkshake!

Still from 2013 revival of LIDPFSIDYM

Inaugural production still

Bagel Making

One Saturday we tried a new experiment in cooking, the home-made bagel. The dough was pretty standard bread dough made by our faithful servant, the bread machine. Then we had to shape it like doughnuts, which was fun for the kids. Basically you poke your finger through a lump of dough and spin it around to make a bagel. Don't spin too hard or you might wind up with rim pizza.

Raw product

The next stage was boiling the dough. We had a pot ready but it could only take two or three bagels at a time. The kids were fascinated by fishing them in and out of the boiling water.

Setting the timer for the boiling bagels

After coming out and cooling a little, the kids did the next step, putting a little raw egg glaze on the bagels so they would have that nice, chewy exterior.

L is careful

Children are care-free!

Then we put seeds on some of the bagels. We had sesame and poppy seeds.

Goopy fingers!

Ready for the oven

After baking, they came out looking okay.

Finished product

Some of the bagels seemed a little doughy in the middle. The whole process is more work than it's worth. According to the foreman (Mommy), we won't be making them anymore!

Saturday Morning Children

Every Saturday morning at our house, J and L help make breakfast. The meal is our favorite breakfast, baked oatmeal. The recipe involves many steps that the kids can help with. One of the first things is to break a quarter cup of pecans into little bits so they can be toasted on a pan. J used to do this all by himself, but L has grown up enough to help out too.

Breaking pecans

Happy J!

Snappy L!

Measuring and mixing ingredients is more of L's job, though again J helps out sometimes. The favorite ingredient is brown sugar, which the children always have to sample to make sure it's still okay. After it's all in the bowl, L gives it a stir.

L blends it all together into a lovely concoction

This particular morning included L showing off her birthday wish list. When we were in a department store, she saw some things she wanted to get right away. I told her we could put them on her birthday wish list when we got home. As soon as we walked inside, L cut a piece of paper in half longways, taped it together, and had us write down items on the list. After the two or three items from the store, including a toy ice-cream store, she had to get creative in coming up with other items: stickers, a book of stickers, a play barbeque store, a play pizza store, etc. I think we should just get her a play food court!

Submit ideas in the comments below--this list isn't going to fill itself out!

Music Appreciation at School

Last term all the parents were invited to L's pre-K English school for a "music appreciation" event at 11 a.m. I was a little concerned since in my imagination, "music appreciation" conjured up the image of 15-20 three-year-olds banging away on all the musical instruments as if they were all drums. But I want to support the school and L, so I dutifully went.

I arrived a wee bit late, no more than five minutes, and everyone was assembled in the general purpose room. The children were all sitting quietly on the floor and a row of chairs in the back let the parents sit down. Maybe three or four other parents were there. In the front of the room were five 20-something British lads with their musical instruments. The dreaded drum kit was in the back, but they also had a bass guitar, a double bass, a clarinet, and a trumpet. They started playing music, a tune I immediately recognized as Duke Ellington's "Take the A Train."

When they finished that tune, they introduced themselves and asked the children to identify each instrument in turn. When they came to the double bass, L put her hand up and said, "Violin!" That wasn't right but it was close enough. They had the children stand up and dance around for their next tune.

After the children were seated again, the clarinetist told them that they were playing Jazz music which comes from America. "Which of you children has heard of America?" he asked. No one raised their hand. I was a little embarrassed, since L was born in America. Of course, that was a lifetime ago for her and she has spent almost half her life here in England. Definitely the more memorable half. So perhaps she can be excused.

For the next song, they asked the children for some jungle animals. Lions and monkeys were named, then one child shouted out, "Fish!" The band leader said, "Yes...if there's a river in the jungle, I suppose there'd be fish." They had a jungle song which featured a refrain telling the audience to "dance like a _____," which the children joyfully did.

They also played "When the Saints Go Marching In" with a couple of extra verses I hadn't heard before. The band did justice to the New Orleans jazz style, which was impressive for a bunch of Brits.

It was a very delightful time. I was glad I went and look forward to the school's next offering.

There's a video on Facebook!

Turning (or Spinning) Tables

The tables have turned in our sleep-deprivation home. It used to be the children who were depriving the parents of much needed sleep, thereby turning us into zombies. Now that school is in session, afternoon naps have pretty much vanished (except for the weekends, and even then rarely). Those nice two hour siestas have gone adios, with some tough results.

J's school runs from 9 a.m. to 3:15 p.m. By the time he gets home, he has hardly an hour to nap before dinner. He's already a bit high-strung from a long day at school. So naps don't happen for him. We fill in the time with some activities before we sit down to our evening meal.

Dancing instead of napping!

L's school is only half-days, from 9 a.m. to noon. I pick her up, we have lunch. At first, she was taking afternoon naps. That meant I had to wake her up to pick up J from school. This arrangement made L very cranky. Sometimes she would fight it by falling back asleep in the car, so I had to carry her back and forth from the parking lot. Those were the good days. On bad days, she'd fight walking; she'd fight carrying. After a while, she too gave up her afternoon naps, but not her crankiness.

L falls for J's trick moves!

The situation isn't really a win for the parents, as you might imagine. At best it's a Pyrrhic victory. When the kids deprive us of sleep, we become the classic slow, shambling, brainless zombies, like in the old black and white films. When the kids are deprived of sleep, they become the new fast, hyperactive, manic zombies, like in 28 Days Later. They bounce off the walls. They have massive mood swings. They constantly want snacks. They are fairly high maintenance and show no signs of stopping. Even on weekends, they refuse to nap!

Even though the tables have turned in our house, I fear they've pulled a 360 rather than a 180. The burden is back on us parents to manage the new, crazy situation that's been thrown to us. The kids are still quite loveable, so we are glad to do it. We look forward to vacations where we don't have to run back to the hotel every afternoon for nap time. They are going to bed earlier, so we parents are getting some of our evening back. There is a silver lining.

L Stuffs Shells

L loves to help Mommy out with the cooking. The other day they tried a new recipe for stuffed shells. The first step is to gather ingredients.

Picking the best herbs our kitchen shelf has to offer, L ate a leaf of basil.

After a successful harvest, they concocted the filling, made up of wonderful cheeses and the sweet, freshly-harvested basil.

L's favorite part--stirring! L ate a spoonful.

Then the mixture has to be put into the shells. They used what the cookbook recommends: a zip-lock bag with the corner cut off.

Cutting corners in the recipe, after eating a cooked shell

Filling the shells is pretty easy with the right tool! L held the shells and told Mommy when they were full enough. Then she carefully laid them in the pan.

Good team work!

After the right amount of cooking in the oven, they came out beautifully!

Yummy, yummy shells, which L refused to eat!

For those of you who want to try this at home, we used the recipe from the America's Test Kitchen Family Cookbook:

Ingredients:

Salt
12 manicotti (8 ounces) or 12-ounce box of jumbo pasta shells (we used shells)
22 ounces ricotta cheese (2.75 cups)
3 ounces Parmesan cheese, grated (1.5 cups)
3 ounces mozzarella, shredded (0.75 cups)
1 large egg, lightly beaten
0.25 cup minced fresh basil
0.25 teaspoon pepper
4 cups tomato sauce (any type will do, including your favorite jarred brand)
0.25 cup minced fresh parsley

1. Adjust an oven rack to the middle position and heat the oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Bring 4 quarts water to a boil in a large pot for the pasta. When the water is boiling, stir in 1 tablespoon salt and the manicotti or shells. Cook, stirring often, until the pasta is almost tender but still a little firm to the bite. Drain the pasta, spread them out over a baking sheet, and let cool.
2. Meanwhile, mix together the ricotta, 1 cup of the Parmesan, the mozzarella, egg, basil, 0.5 teaspoon salt, and 0.25 teaspoon pepper in a large bowl.
3. Squeeze about 5 tablespoons of filling into each manicotti tube or 1 tablespoon in to each shell. Arrange the filled pasta in an oiled 9 by 13-inch baking dish.
4. Pour the tomato sauce over the filled pasta. Wrap the dish tightly in foil and bake until the sauce is bubbling around the edges and the ricotta filing is hot, about 25 minutes.
5. Let cool for 5 minutes, then sprinkle with the parsley and remaining Parmesan.

You can do up to step 3 and then wrap in plastic and refrigerate the pasta for up to 2 days. Let the pasta get back to room temperature before proceeding with step 4 later.

L Keeps Herself Busy

L has gone on a crazy crafting spree lately. Whenever she's at home, she wants to draw or color something. Or cut something out. Or build something. Or make an obstacle course with J. One major project was decorating a large sheet of paper with glue, sprinkles, crayons, etc. Whatever came to hand came to the paper.

Painting with glue--two craft activities in one!

Sprinkling on the decorations

Happy with her results

Wait, one final touch!

She is still into dressing up occasionally (like when we play Just Dance Kids 2).

Pretty dress with pretty girl

Look how swishy it is!

Showing off the hairbow

Bowling and Fondue with the Kids

We went to a birthday party for one of J's friends at a local bowling alley. The kids are too fast at bowling and all those pictures turned out blurry, but sitting around waiting for their turn was a better photo op.

L's drink might have been a little tart

Hanging at the alley!

Later that weekend, some friends of Mom and Dad came over and brought their fondue set. L had her first experience of dipping delight and was overcome with joy.

Yes, you are a cutie!

Where did the chocolate go? In there! (mostly)

More pictures later when we have more fun adventures!

A. A. Milne 130th Birthday Party

L's nursery school had a "Teddy Bear's Picnic" party on January 18 to celebrate the 130th birthday of Alan Alexander Milne. He was the British author famous for creating Winnie-the-Pooh. The party was an after-hours affair (from 3:30 p.m. to 4:30 p.m.) and partiers had to bring only a teddy bear. We asked if J could come since his school is right next to her nursery and we'd be picking him up at that time anyway. The staff said it was okay, so we all went to the party.

When we arrived plenty of parents and children were already having a good time. One table had coloring. Another had painting. A third had gluing. The toy kitchen was fully stocked. The reading rug had plenty of books and Legos for children to play with. L immediately jumped into the coloring; J had a harder time settling. He spotted one of his classmates and they worked together to feed J's stuffed animal Arf, who is in fact a dog and not a bear (though he was built at a Build-A-Bear store). J began having fun.

L wanted to switch to the painting table but all the seats were full. She patiently waited by the chairs until someone got up, then she swooped in. She asked a teacher for a Piglet to paint (Piglet was on a piece of paper). Then she asked me to clear some space so she could work. The end product was quite nice but also quite wet. A teacher hung it to dry. L then started asking about food. We told her to ask her teachers since we parents were clueless.

J was hungry at this point too. Luckily the wait wasn't too long for the picnic part of the party to start. Everyone moved to a new room where a bunch of low tables were set for little guests. We ate small triangle sandwiches with chips and melon slices. One of the staff asked L what sandwich she wanted. L said, "Cake." The lady brought her an egg sandwich. L tried it and was not satisfied (obviously, since it wasn't cake). She bravely tried a little bit more. J stuck to the chips. When a lady said that we parents were invited to eat as well, J insisted that Mommy and Daddy have some too. You have to follow the rules, after all.

We almost left before the cake. The kids were going a little crazy (too many people in too small a space) and wanted to go. But the tray of cupcakes came out and little minds were changed. As soon as the cupcakes were done, we headed for home.

It was a fun party if a bit hectic. We'll have to pick up L's art next week when it is dry. And watch some Winnie-the-Pooh to celebrate.

Gingerbread Tree Building

Now that Christmas is over, there are plenty of deals to be had on things that did not sell by December 25. One thing we noticed at our grocery store over the weekend was a gingerbread Christmas tree kit. L not only noticed it but also insisted on getting it.

Better than half price!

A new project was begun in our home! L and Mommy worked together to make a tree just as beautiful and stable as the one on the box cover. The first task was to empty the box and find all the tools needed.

Inside the box--decorations, instructions, star templates, and dough

The dough came pre-made so "all" they had to do was bring out the rolling pin and roll it out to the width of a pound coin. We had to search around for the proper coin. Even with that, rolling the whole thing to the proper depth was quite a challenge.

Be happy in your work!

Rolling it out carefully

L was an enthusiastic but unskilled helper. At one point, while we were distracted by something else, she dumped a cup of flour on top of the dough and rubbed it in. This made the dough less sticky, true, but caused various other problems. Still, we persevered and eventually had the required number of stars cut out and baked.

Not Christmas stars but tree levels

After the stars cooled, we cut the tips off the frosting bags and attempted to frost according to the package directions. I had hoped L would be able to help more with this, but she was more interested in "spilling" frosting and then "cleaning it up" (by licking) rather than actual decorating. Finally, all the stars were decorated.

L caught on camera sampling the icing

Next, we were supposed to put small dabs of frosting to attach the layers together, allowing 20 minutes between each layer so that the frosting could set. These directions were completely impractical with an impatient 3 year old helper (and an impatient grown up, too). We tried to wait for the frosting to set, but didn't really allow enough time between layers.

The skillful foreshadowing of the previous paragraph should give you the proper sense of foreboding for the next set of pictures, which were taken in the 5 minutes immediately after final tree assembly.

Cock-eyed optimism that it will remain standing

Suddenly not so sure

Falling....

Fallen

L still wanted to eat the tree since the icing was sooo yummy.

It was a fun project, but I wouldn't recommend trying to put a tree like this together to serve to anyone.