Book Review: How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie

How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie

This self-help classic is aimed at business men and women but author Dale Carnegie is self-conscious of its more general applicability. Every relationship with another person should be a human relationship, or, more precisely, a humane relationship. Supervisors and managers can fall into the temptation to use their authority to impose their vision of how things should be done, regardless of the input or ideas of their "underlings." Such behavior might increase productivity but definitely will produce resentment or indifference and will deplete trust and loyalty. The same can happen for parents or teachers, ministers or heads of social organizations. Even in dealing between co-workers or family members, using this book's principles will make relationships more fluid and more productive. Everyone can use this book because everyone has to deal with other people at some point or other.

The basic insight of the book is to treat other people like they are people, not some vending machine from which you can extract what you want if you apply the proper pressure or technique or cash. Carnegie asks readers to focus on the other person in a positive way. Smile at them. Show an interested in what they are interested in. See the situation from their point of view. Provide positive feedback before looking for ways to solve a problem. Engage the other person in solving the problem rather than providing a solution yourself. Treat them like a valued customer, employee, family member, fellow volunteer, etc. etc. Using a positive attitude engenders a positive attitude in others, creating a climate for a win-win situation.

Carnegie also emphasizes that you need to be sincere in dealing with others. People can tell when minimal praise comes before a critique or complaint and is only being used to "sandwich" the bad feedback. A genuine compliment puts someone in a better mood or a more receptive stance, maybe even giving the confidence to solve the problem on their own. Honesty is important in every relation.

Carnegie's style is very down to earth. His examples are from historical people (he loves Abraham Lincoln) and from people he's talked to, either in his classes or in regular life. He shows his principles in action across a wide range of people in a wide variety of situations. Readers have an easy time imagining putting those principles into action in their own lives.

This book is a classic for a reason--along with 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, it is a top-shelf self-help book.

Highly recommended.