Movie Review: Thrash (2026)

Thrash (2026) written and directed by Tommy Wirkola

A massive hurricane is about to hit the Atlantic coast town of Annieville. Most people evacuate but the story naturally follows those who stay (or are caught) behind. Dakota (Whitney Peak) lost her mom a couple of months ago and is living an agoraphobic life so she doesn't make it out. Her uncle Dr. Dale Edwards (Djimon Hounsou) is a shark expert working north of the storm and sets out to rescue her with the help of a self-serving TV crew that wants to get great footage of the disaster. Lisa (Phoebe Dynevor) is a very pregnant meat company worker who leaves the local plant too late to make it out and gets trapped in her car as the waters rise outside Dakota's house. Meanwhile, three foster kids get trapped in their home when their adoptive parents insist on waiting out the storm until its too late. The big problem is sharks. They've come in with the storm surge, partly drawn by a truck full of meat-packing waste that fills the town waters (even though the foster kids live live much further out of town). The storm and the sharks menace everyone.

Director Wirkola has a track record of high-concept/medium delivery films (Dead Snow, Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters, Violent Night). He has some interesting ideas here but so many things don't make sense. When the truck of chum breaks open, why does the blood and gore go out to sea when the storm surge is pushing everything inland? Why are the foster parents getting checks from the US Treasury and not a local foster care agency? How does their "snorkel-equipped" pickup truck even work? The execution just is not well thought out. The movie is not exciting enough to cover over the big holes in believability and it takes itself too seriously to laugh off the dumb ideas. 

Not recommended--we need a better shark movie!

Movie Review: Violent Night (2022)

Violent Night (2022) directed by Tommy Wirkola

What if the person who lost the Christmas spirit was Santa Claus himself? That's the opening premise of Violent Night, with Santa (David Harbour) getting drunk in a Bristol pub before going on his Christmas eve run. Santa complains that people are greedy and unimaginative, if they even believe at all. He leaves by the stairs to the roof, which the barmaid says he shouldn't do. She chases after him, only to get to the roof and see him riding off in his sleigh. It's a magical moment until the sleigh turns, comes back over the roof, and Santa throws up over the barmaid. She gets drenched in chunky stuff, more gross than gag. 

The story moves to a fabulously rich estate where estranged parents Jason (Alex Hassell) and Linda (Alexis Louder) take their young daughter Trudy (Leah Brady) to grandma's house. Grandma Gertrude (Beverly D'Angelo) runs the family business and controls the purse strings to the family fortune, leaving Jason and his sister Alva (Edi Patterson) to suck up in hopes of getting more money or the eventual inheritance. The awkward family moments are interrupted by the arrival of armed men who wipe out the guards and servants. They have seasonal code names like Gingerbread, Candy Cane, Frosty, and Tinsel. The leader is Mr. Scrooge (John Leguizamo) who wants the vast fortune hidden in the basement vault. Gertrude hasn't gotten to her position of power by being a pushover, so she provides plenty of resistance. The robbers anticipated this and brought some high-tech safe-crackers. Upstairs, drunk Santa is relaxing in a message chair and enjoying the family's vintage brandy when he hears shots fired. He winds up fighting a robber who shoots through the roof, scaring off the reindeer with the sleigh. Santa is trapped at the house, the only one free to fight the bad guys. And fight he does.

It's easy to say the movie is in bad taste, transforming the kind and gentle Santa Claus into a drunken, vulgar, hammer-wielding action hero. The movie has a strong R-rating, with a lot of bloody violence and gore. But what did you expect from the title? While certainly in bad taste, nevertheless I found it entertaining on its own ground. The movie has lots of derivative elements but the filmmakers acknowledge it freely. Die Hard is mentioned and Trudy just watched Home Alone, inspiring her to mimic Kevin's antics. Harbour does well enough to sell the character and the hero's journey he has to go on, rediscovering the spirit of Christmas after 1100 years of service. Leguizamo is also good--he's not over-the-top chewing the scenery nor is he phoning his performance in. The movie has no real surprises in it. I did enjoy it for what it was and probably won't watch it again.

Mildly recommended.

Movie Review: Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters (2013)

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013) directed by Tommy Wirkola

Here's a turkey for Thanksgiving! Go watch a parade or a football game, not this movie!!

Updating fairy tales has been a popular past-time for decades. At first, Disney would give its spin to the classics, mostly by providing happier or more upbeat endings to the tales. Recently, some updates have been more like reversals, making the villains not just sympathetic but even the heroes of the stories. Others have moved the tales to different times and places, often contemporary times and places.

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters start with a faithful if over-the-top retelling of their story of abandoning by their father, discovering the candy house, and killing the witch who was planning to eat them. The feat put them on a career path that takes up most of the movie, killing witches and other nefarious beings professionally. It also sets the tone for the movie. The witch is fairly gruesome and her death in the oven is a bit much. The scene ends with a swear-filled voice-over by Hansel about what they learned from the experience.

So there's a lot of swearing and gore and nasty creatures but it's not particularly scary, definitely not a horror film. It doesn't have enough laughs in it to make it a good comedy. Hansel and Gretel are a bit too brutal and a bit too grim to be fun action heroes. The dialogue sounds like contemporary urban characters but the setting is grungy small-town middle ages and the two never quite fit together. The same goes with their high-tech fighting gear and semi-martial arts combat moves--sure they look cool except they don't quite match the other elements. The film makers seem to have had a lot of different ideas of ways to go with the movie and then put them all in without any thought of how to blend them.

The movie is very uneven and unsatisfying.