Book Review: Listen My Son: St. Benedict for Fathers

Listen My Son: St. Benedict for Fathers by Dwight Longenecker. Morehouse Publishing, 2000, 288 pages, $28 US.

By dumb luck or divine providence (and I don't believe in dumb luck), the Happy Catholic has just written an article on devotional books, though her list is devoid of this jem we are reviewing today. Anyway, if this book doesn't seem like your cup of tea, be sure to check her article for a myriad of other recommendations.

Brief overview of content:

The key insight of this book is that the Rule of St. Benedict, written 1500 years ago for use in keeping a well-ordered monastery, is also applicable to modern day families, especially focusing on the role of the father as head of the family. Various aspects of monastic life are covered by Benedict, including the types of monks, the character of the abbot, the balance of prayer and work (Benedict is famous for the "ora et labora" concept of "prayer and work" being blended together), the importance of obedience and humility (virtues sorely lacking in our day), and many other practical concerns. These writings are skillfully applied to contemporary domestic life by Father Longenecker, a Catholic priest who, as a former Anglican minister, has a family himself. He does not use personal examples but his experience comes through.

The book takes Benedict's Rule and divides it up into daily meditations over four months. Each passage from Benedict is followed by an explanation or application to today's family by the author. Each day's reading is two or three pages, which can easily be read in five or ten minutes. The author even recommends days to start: January 1, May 2, or September 1. Each reading has a calendar day so it is easy to keep track if you fall behind. Since the readings are short, it is also easy to catch up to the current day.

Author overview:

Blurb from the back of the book: "Dwight Longenecker was born and raised in Pennsylvania. He studied theology at Oxford, and was ordained into the Anglican ministry. After ten years serving as a curate, school chaplain, and country parson, he was received into the Catholic Church. He is married and the father of four children."

Recommendations:

1. Read cover to cover vs. consult as needed.

Without an index or a robust table of contents, this book would be hard to consult as needed. It's pretty easy to read cover to cover if you follow the "one chapter a day" plan and are patient. The whole book is worth reading.

2. Readability.

The translation of The Rule of St Benedict is not archaic or hard to read and the author's commentary is very no nonsense, straightforward, and accessible. Reading only three pages at the most each day is also an easy accomplishment.

3. Helpful to a parent?

While the book is focused on fatherhood and how men can be better fathers, the information is also useful for mothers and other family members. The Rule of St Benedict wasn't written for the abbot of the monastery, nor just for the members, but even those thinking of joining the monastery. They all had to read it (or have it read to them) several times. Likewise, this book is valuable for all family members.

4. Did we use it?

Some parts of the book were rather compelling. Benedict goes on at length about praying throughout the day, especially using the Psalms. The author recommends using short prayers throughout the day, even as short as "God, come to my assistance; Lord, make haste to help us." Such a prayer is easy to fit into any schedule and can be the start of something bigger. At least I hope it will be so for me.

Sample text

On the value of giving "time outs" as punishment in a monastery or at home:

...Benedict uses isolation from the community because the stubborn, grumbling and disobedient monk has, by his actions and attitude, shown himself to be unfit company. The extent of the isolation matches the seriousness of his fault. This is fair and logical.

Isolation is also a fair punishment to use in the home. If a child's behaviour is obnoxious he should be separated so that everyone else will be spared his bad behaviour. Children can be sent to their room; in some homes a special chair in a room is reserved for isolation. Isolation is effective if the amount of isolation suits the child's misdemeanour. The manner of isolating the child is important. He or she should never be isolated with sarcasm or personal comments which make the isolation a personal rejection. Instead it must be emphasized that they are being separated because their behaviour is troubling the rest of the family. [pp. 141-142]

Book Review: What the Heck Were You Expecting?

What the Heck Were You Expecting?: A Complete Guide for the Perplexed Fatherby Thomas Hill. Three Rivers Press, 2000, 141 pages, $11.95 US.

Brief overview of content:

The book follows a standard format for discussing issues relevant to husbands who are also fathers. After pre-birth and the first day, the book goes month by month through the first year  followed by chapters on the toddler years and "childhood and beyond." The chapters are divided into several sections:

• What Your Above-Average Baby/Child May Be Doing
• What Your Wife May Be Complaining About
• What You May Be Concerned About
• What It's Important to Know
• What to Be Terrified About This Month
• A Few Things to Say to Let Her Know That You Are Caring, Sensitive and Up on the Required Reading

As you might guess from these headings, the book is a very comical take on the practical advice a father needs to have. Legitimate good advice is mixed in with comical commentary. For example, when discussing teething pain the author writes about rubbing a little Scotch on the baby's gums to ease the pain. He then discusses the best types of Scotch, from which regions and the importance of not skimping on price where your baby is concerned. Such "medicine" is also helpful for the father in dealing with the child's growing pains.

Author overview:

From his Amazon page: A native of Ithaca, N.Y., Thomas Hill is a creative executive for Nick@Nite and TV Land. A veteran of Harvard, the United States Chess Federation, and fatherhood, Thomas has five children and lives with his family in Verplanck, N.Y.

Recommendations:

1. Read cover to cover vs. consult as needed.

Since the book is divided chronologically, it is easy to read one month's worth of advice during that month or just before it comes. There's no index but the table of contents gives a detailed outline of each chapter's contents beyond the bullets mentioned above.

2. Readability.

Light-hearted and highly entertaining, this book is very readable.

3. Helpful to a parent?

The book is one of the few that are written from the dad's perspective and focusing on his role. The advice in the book is entertaining and mostly useful, though some part just seem added for comical effect. Reading it is reassuring--you know you're not the only dad who is clueless.

4. Did we use it?

In spite of the excellent advice on buying Scotch, I still haven't made a purchase. We did go "low key" for Jacob's first birthday party, which the author recommends. First birthday parties really are for everyone else to get together and have a good time. Jacob and Lucy won't remember their parties at all. Except for all the pictures on Facebook, of course.

Sample text

On how babies think: The key to understanding babies lies in recognizing that their primary task during these early years, beyond the basic survival skills, is to analyze and comprehend how the world works. They are scientists. Furthermore, you should recognize that as a parent you are not a fellow scientist, a lab assistant, or even a great teacher. You are part of the experiment. You are one of the prime subjects of observation and study. [p. 88]
Truer words have never been spoken. We here at the Zombie Parent's Guide couldn't agree more. We know who is in charge and have some vague idea of what is going on. As much as they will let us know. I hear the master calling for a snack and must go now...

Note: this book is not available new from Amazon unless you want if for the Kindle, so you'll probably have to hunt around libraries and local book stores for it. Or buy from one of the Amazon partner sellers. You should support local sellers and libraries anyway, because where are you going to find stuff when the zombie apocalypse happens? Who knows where Amazon warehouses are hidden? I found this book at Royal Oak Bookshop in Front Royal, Virginia, so maybe don't try there since I bought the last copy.