Movie Review: Dracula (1931)

Dracula (1931) directed by George Melford based on the novel by Bram Stoker

No, you did not read the line above wrong. This is not the Tod Browning-directed Bela Lugosi film, though the sets and props from that film were used here. This movie was made at the same time but in Spanish with a Spanish cast. When the Lugosi crew wrapped their day, the Spanish crew came in and filmed the same scenes, often using the exact same blocking and nearly identical (except for the language) dialogue. But there are plenty of departures too, which makes this interesting to watch.

The biggest question is how does anyone compare to Lugosi as the most famous vampire of all. Carlos Villarias has a very similar face and eyes and benefitted from seeing the dailies of Lugosi's performance. He doesn't have the long, bony fingers like Lugosi (so creepy!) and Villarias's eyes are a bit more expressive. Several characters in the story note how Count Dracula reacts like a wild animal to some situations (like being confronted with a cross). Villarias looks a lot more wild and dangerous than the more smooth and suave Lugosi. It's much easier to believe the "wild animal" descriptions of him. Both versions have extreme close-ups of the vampire's eyes and both are about as expressive in those shots, though Villarias has better glances in other situations. I can't comment on Vilarias's accent since I do not know Spanish and can't tell if he affects an eastern European-flavored delivery. Even with the language barrier, I can tell he does a good job delivering famous lines like "I never drink...wine" or "Listen to the children of the night. What music they make!" He does a very good job as the Count, I found his performance very enjoyable. It's hard to compete with the now-iconic Lugosi version.

Other characters have more or fewer differences from their English-speaking versions. The most notable change is Renfield, who was played by Dwight Frye in the English version. Frye is a fairly maniacal after he is turned by Dracula in Transylvania. Frye's Renfield does not do much to support the Count in England since he spends almost all his time in Seward's sanitarium. Pablo Alvarez Rubio in the Spanish version gives a much bolder and exciting performance. He has a much more maniacal laugh and does much more in support of his master, even as he waffles at times, wanting to protect Seward's daughter. Rubio's role is much larger than Frye's, probably because he gives a much better performance. The Spanish version of Mina is called Eva and is played by Lupita Tovar. She also is more expressive and active, displaying her emotions out in the open for Juan Harker (Barry Norton). Her wardrobe is more daring too, with some plunging necklines that reminded me of the Mary Shelly look at the beginning of Bride of Frankenstein. Van Helsing and Seward are fairly similar to their English-language counterparts, though the Spanish Van Helsing looks much younger. The late confrontation between Dracula and Van Helsing, where Dracula tries to mind-control Van Helsing like he had done to so many others, is a great scene in either version, but a bit better here.

This version of the film is almost a half hour longer than Lugosi's. That half hour is full of quality material, expanding characters and giving some more creepy atmosphere. If you liked Lugosi's version, you should definitely give this a try. I borrowed a Dracula DVD from my local library that had both versions on it to rewatch the Lugosi film. I finally gave in and watched the Spanish version (I've borrowed that DVD two times). I am very glad I did. It doesn't replace the Lugosi but is a very enjoyable companion piece.

Recommended, highly for Dracula movie fans (I know book fans have a lot of concerns about the truncation of the story to fit a movie version--same problem with the Spanish version).

Book Review: Seraph of the End: Vampire Reign Vols. 1 & 2

Seraph of the End: Vampire Reign Volume 1 story by Takaya Kagami and art by Yamato Yamamoto

In the not too distant future, humanity is decimated by a virus that they invented. The vampires come up from underground and kidnap children, hoping to get control of their food supply which has suddenly dwindled. The story starts with a group of orphans from Hyakuya Orphanage who are planning an escape. Mika is reluctant since he's been giving blood willingly to get favors, but that's a ruse to get access to maps and information to make the escape likely. His friend Yuichiro is a bit of a loner but goes along. The plan goes awry when the vampire Lord Ferid shows up just before they hit the exit. A battle ensues, leaving one of them to escape to the surface where all is not as it seems.

The story is an interesting and creative setup. The world is a lot more complicated than the initial premise that the orphans hear, which is a good thing. The story above ground builds a lot more structure to enable an interesting future for the series. I am hooked!

Recommended.

Seraph of the End: Vampire Reign Volume 2 story by Takaya Kagami and art by Yamato Yamamoto

Four years later, Yuichiro has joined the Japanese Imperial Demon Army. The army's purpose is to wipe out the vampires, something Yuichiro is ready and willing to do. To prove he's able, he has to go through academic classes and training, which is not what he wants. Worse, the teachers want him to learn teamwork, even setting him with Kimizuki, another kid who thinks he's ready and able to take out vampires. They have to pass a test to get Cursed Gear--weapons that will kill vampires. That training is a lot tougher than it seems. Meanwhile, Yuichiro's friend Mika, who supposedly died in their escape from the underground four years ago, is revealed to still be alive, though maybe not technically since he is now a vampire working against the humans.

I was a little disappointed with the story when it shifted into the typical manga school drama that's in so many other stories. By the end of this volume, it looks like they will pull out of that narrative and get back to more direct action. The developments around the Cursed Gear are interesting, since they are weapons that are possessed by demons, thus giving them enhanced power. I guess I am sticking around for more.

Mildly recommended.

 

Movie Review: Vampyr (1932)

Vampyr (1932) directed by Carl Theodor Dreyer based on In a Glass Darkly by Sheridan le Fanue

Allan (Julian West) comes to a small town outside Paris. He's interested in the occult and some very strange things happen there, though he's not as happy about it as you would think. At an inn, he is met by an old man (Maurice Schutz) who has two daughters at his nearby home. He's worried about one who has been very sick and leaves a packet with Allan to be opened if he dies. Of course, he dies and Allan reads the book inside the packet which describes vampire lore and activity, some bits of which eerily mirror what is happening in the town. Allan comes into conflict with the titular creature and its minions, but barely has enough strength to fight back when he has to give a blood transfusion to one of the daughters.

The story is intriguing and Dreyer's direction is very surreal and otherworldly. There's fog and shadows, lots of shadows. Reality seems to be slipping away from the characters. The film is a "talkie" but it is more like a silent film. Long stretches have no dialogue and a lot of exposition is given in images of pages from the book, like the silent films' title cards. 

Mildly recommended--you need a taste for the surreal and the silent film vibe to get along with this one. I like those both but I wasn't wowed by them or by this film.

Movie Review: Sinners (2025)

Sinners (2025) written and directed by Ryan Coogler

Twin brothers Smoke and Stack (both played by Michael B. Jordan) return from Gangland Chicago to their home town in 1932 Mississippi. They've got a pile of money, Irish beer, and Italian wine. They plan to open a juke joint. They purchase an abandoned mill from some redneck who claims there is no Klan in the area. The twins go their separate ways for the day, one collecting a bunch of blues musicians to play at the joint, the other to get the food and staff. Their star musician is Sammie (Miles Canton), their cousin who is son of a local preacher who does not want his son getting involved with blues music. The day goes by with a lot of character revelations as the twins prepare for opening night.

One seeming incidental revelation is the arrival of Irish vampire Remmick (Jack O'Connell) who turns a local redneck couple. The trio show up that night at the juke joint asking to be let in so they can perform music too. They aren't let in but they do have money to spend, unlike many of the local black people who can only pay with company scrip, not dollars and cents. The vampires get a leg up when Stack's ex-girlfriend Mary (Hailee Steinfeld) comes out to try and coax them back. She gets turned, goes back into juke joint, and starts spreading trouble.

The movie is an interesting blend of music admiration, historical commentary, and action/horror mayhem. The first scenes show how music brings people together and can invoke spirits past and present. This is shown when Sammie plays at the joint and musicians from all walks of history join in, from tribal Africa to rappers. The sequence is amazing and beautiful, a huge contrast to the ugliness and violence elsewhere in the movie. The brothers confront a lot of limitations as they execute their plan, and not just from racist white people. The vampire lore is fairly standard with none of the Christian elements used (holy water, crosses, Eucharist). In fact, there's some suggestion that religion is a tool of oppression but that assertion flies by pretty quickly in the midst of the vampire assault on the juke joint. Music is the substitute for religion here; it's a path to transcendence and unity with others, even others that came before and will come after. That idea also gets buried under the carnage of the final two set-pieces. So deeper themes run through the narrative but sometimes they run out.

I found a lot of things to like about the film. The visuals are gorgeous and the music is great. The performances are solid. On the other hand, it's thematically slippery and uneven, for example throwing in a lot of other minorities (the vampire is fleeing Native American vampire hunters who take their cameo and go; the twins buy a lot of stuff from the local Chinese grocery couple who wind up at the juke joint, so much more than a cameo) seemingly for the sake of representation rather than authenticity. At the very least, the movie gives viewers a lot to think about, even if it hasn't thought out everything.

Recommended.

Book Review: Jennifer the Damned by Karen Ullo

Jennifer the Damned by Karen Ullo

You know how teenagers are always overdramatizing their lives? Everything they do is fraught with peril for themselves or for others, most likely for both. One wrong move and someone dies. Or falls in love. Or suffers a humiliation that will never be lived down for the rest of their lives. Or eat something horrible. Social life is a minefield for teenagers.

This book presents Jennifer, a teenage orphan living with nuns in their Louisiana convent and going to their strict Catholic high school. She has a strange diet, only raw beef (the nuns sear it a little bit to make her dining more palatable to them). She is about to go through a big change. Jennifer's mom (who vanished when she was a pre-teen) was a vampire and so is Jennifer. She hasn't fully matured (which takes sixteen years according to this book) but she is on the cusp of wanting only to drink human blood. Jennifer has not adopted the nuns' Catholic faith but has bought in to the truth about human souls and the afterlife. Only Jennifer, as a vampire, has no soul and she will live forever (so no afterlife). Once her vampirism kicks in, she becomes more miserable as she tries to follow her mom's advice on how to hunt and to stay off the radar of law enforcement and other people. Her life gets very messy very quickly.

The book provides some nice twists on the vampire lore. The delayed maturation has a nice parallel with puberty (though she becomes more beautiful and glamorous as a vampire) though that is not the main focus of the book. The main interest is Jennifer's moral struggle and depression about her state in life. Without a soul, she has no prospect of going to Heaven. She recognizes that she will have a very difficult life and she does not enjoy killing even though drinking blood gives her great pleasure. She recognizes the Eucharist as real and the most potent Blood she could ever drink. But her mom warned her against it. Sure, movies and TV shows have a lot of wrong ideas about vampires but coming into contact with the truly divine is truly deadly for vampires. What Jennifer really wants most of all is redemption but she has a long and seemingly hopeless journey ahead of her.

The book is written almost exclusively from her perspective and she has the teenaged angst and hyperbole I mentioned above. But she really is in life and death situations; she does not know how to handle infatuation with boys; her new vampire strength gives her plenty of opportunities to excel and to get revenge on abusive classmates (even the ones who are only jerks). She has a larger life due to her extra-special circumstances. It's hard not to root for her to find a way to do the right thing. I found the book very enjoyable and very interesting.

Recommended, highly for vampire fans.

Book Review: The Fall by Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan

The Fall: The Strain Trilogy #2 by Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan

See my review of the first book here.

The war with the master vampire called "The Master" continues in this book. It (the Master is referred to as "It" since it is so ancient and so inhuman) is orchestrating a world-wide takeover that started in Manhattan. New York City is the hub of action in part because of the Master's reliance on Eldritch Palmer, a financial mogul who is devious and decrepit. Palmer wants to be turned into a vampire so he can live forever (and improve his health). He orchestrated the Master's flight from Europe during an eclipse, allowing the Master to escape from JFK airport. The Master's scheme includes not only turning New Yorkers into a vampire army but also wiping out the six other ancient vampires (called "The Ancients") and acquiring an ancient, accursed occult book that could be used against him. The book was recently discovered and is due to auction at Sotheby's in the coming days.

The main heroes are CDC doctor Ephraim Goodweather and Holocaust-survivor and vampire-hunter Abraham Setrakian. Eph wants to protect his son Zack from his mother who has been turned into a vampire and longs to consume her "Dear One." He also wants to warn the world about the coming plague. People in authority and the media are reluctant to talk about vampires, partly from disbelief and partly from Palmer's influence. Setrakian wants to stop the Master mostly through getting the occult book and discovering its secrets. They have a motley crew of New Yorkers (and some from New Jersey) helping them race around New York fighting vampires and scheming to get the book first.

This second volume suffers a bit from the same problems as the first. The characters are a little underdrawn and not as compelling as they could be. I was hoping the introduction of the Ancients (hinted at in the first book) would bring some new twists or more interesting lore. Neither happens in this book. The uneasy blending of medical technical thriller and vampire apocalypse genres still does not hang together well. The vampire mythology reads like it was crafted to fit the plot of the story. It does not feel like folklore and is unconvincing as a clinical explanation of the vampires' powers and actions. The book does have some interesting ideas but not enough to make for good reading. Or for me to finish the trilogy.

Not recommended.

Book Review: The Strain By Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan

The Strain (The Strain Trilogy #1) by Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan

An international flight lands at JFK and then goes completely dark on the runway. All the electricity is out; the cockpit is unreachable on radio; all the shades are drawn; no passenger is answering cell phone calls. The transportation authority is called out along with local CDC representative Eph Goodweather. He's currently mired in a custody battle with his ex over their son Max and doesn't need the extra overtime. This is his weekend to impress Max with fun activities. When they finally breach the plane, all on board are dead except for four seemingly random people who are comatose. Everyone else is peacefully dead, like they all died at the same instant and without being aware that they were dying. The survivors are carted off to hospital isolation ward while a hangar is converted into a make-shift morgue for the other bodies. The investigators discover some strange thing, like a large, ornately-carved coffin-shaped box that is full of dirt in the cargo hold that is not listed as part of the cargo. As Eph and his team investigates, they come across Setrakian, an old-pawn shop owner who survived the Holocaust partly because he discovered a vampire preying at the concentration camp. He has spent his life studying vampire lore and pursuing that one vampire, who he thinks rode over on the plane for some nefarious plan. Of course, the vampire couldn't do it alone. Readers know that an aging, sickly investor has worked with the vampire. The slow acceptance of vampirism by the authorities (impeded the influence of the rich mogul) lets the situation get out of hand, with a plague threatening all of New York City that could spread to the rest of the country and the rest of the world.

The book has a lot of characters in different parts of life, a bit like Stephen King's The Stand or Max Brooks' World War Z. Their stories fit more or less together in the narrative, creating scenes of horror and forward plot movement. While Eph is certainly sympathetic, he comes off a little generic, as does the crusty old European who knows how to fight the vampires and has a stockpile of weapons in the basement of his pawn shop. A goth rock star is one of the few survivors from the plane though he turns pretty quickly into a vampire, naturally being shocked when taking his make-up off and he's still pale. A New York City exterminator is another minor character who fulfills the cliche of his profession--overweight and tough with a lot of experience fighting vermin which comes in handy when supernatural vermin show up. The characters don't feel original and move through some standard plot beats.

The vampire mythology is a blend of forensic details and mythological powers needed to advance the story. Their biology is explained in a lot of detail but they also have supernatural powers like communicating telepathically, moving at superhuman speed, and having superhuman strength. The blend is not quite convincing, like the novel can't decide if it wants to be a medically-accurate thriller or an urban fantasy apocalypse. The set-up with the plane is great but the payout is not strong enough.

Not recommended, though I am going to give the next volume a chance to see if the story picks up--some new characters are suggested at the end that might make things more interesting (and drive the story more into urban apocalyptic fantasy).

Movie Review: Morbius (2022)

Morbius (2022) directed by Daniel Espinosa

Doctor Michael Morbius (Jared Leto) has spent his whole life under the shadow of his illness. He has a rare blood disease that leaves him weak and vulnerable. Even so, he works hard and becomes a research doctor investigating the blood disease with hopes of curing himself and others like him. His research is financed by his childhood friend Milo (Matt Smith) who suffers from the same debilitating condition. Morbius comes to the conclusion that combining human and bat DNA could create a cure. Tests on mice have been mostly unsuccessful until they are successful. He then tests the cure on himself with dire consequences. He develops an insatiable desire for blood, along with superhuman speed, strength, and the ability to fly (but not to turn into a bat). His previous work led him to develop a blood substitute that satiates his desire, but only for a time. Milo finds out about the change in Morbius and wants the strength and health that Morbius now experiences. Morbius tries to warn him of the price to be paid but Milo isn't as smart or as ethical as his friend. Morbius struggles to control himself while Milo indulges himself.

With an interesting start, it is a wonder that the film goes wrong. The premise combines a self-inflicted monstrosity with the sympathetic, reluctant vampire. Morbius knows his vampire urges are wrong and struggles to control them, even though they do come in handy in some situations. Leto can't quite deliver the right performance. He doesn't have enough charm to be really likable nor does he have enough pathos to earn empathy from the audience. He just goes through the motions. Smith, as the villainous indulger of his vampiric powers, is not as evil as he could be. He has disregard for other people but not the sort of ruthless glee or aggression for a memorable villain. The movie has some effective horror moments and the special effects are top notch. The story just isn't engaging or satisfying. The characters aren't well-written enough for the actors to make them great or even interesting.

Not recommended--for Marvel completists only. 

Movie Review: Therapy for a Vampire (2014)

Therapy for a Vampire (2014) written and directed by David Ruhm

A vampire couple moves to Vienna in the 1930s. They've been together for hundreds of years and have become unhappy with each other and themselves. Count Geza (Tobias Moretti) goes to therapy with Dr. Sigmund Freud (Karl Fischer) and is as honest as he can be about his problems--Freud obviously doesn't believe in vampires and is too busy scribbling in his notebook to notice the Count levitating above the couch. The Count tells how Countess Elsa (Jeannette Hain) is very concerned about her appearance which she cannot see. Freud chalks it up to a mental illness that she doesn't perceive her own reflection and recommends an artist paint her to show her true self. He has just the painter--Viktor (Dominic Oley) has been doing sketches of the dreams that Freud's patients have had. Viktor has made many paintings of his girlfriend Lucy (Cornelia Ivancan), though he often changes her appearance which is frustrating for Lucy. Why can't Viktor accept her the way she is? Viktor had given a painting to Freud. When Count Geza sees the painting in Freud's office, he thinks Lucy is the reincarnation of his true love who had died before he met Elsa. He's been waiting a really long time for their reunion and hopes to make Lucy into his original love, Nadila. The Count sends Elsa to the painter as he tries to woo Lucy.

Given the premise and the fact the movie is a German production, I was a little worried that it would be too sexualized or overly Freudian. The movie is a comedy tinged with the tragedy of not appreciating other people, especially those closest to us. Everyone, except for Viktor, wants more out of their lives that they cannot quite achieve on their own. They have a hard time understanding themselves (the inability to see a reflection leads into self-unawareness for the vampires, but other characters also seem self-unaware). The movie has a lot of farcical elements and scenes, giving it a light touch. The sexuality is very discreet, surprisingly so for a twenty-first century production. The actors do a great job with their characters who are interesting and sympathetic; they are not stock goodies and baddies. The viewer understands the frustration that leads to acting out in inappropriate (but often comic) ways. The movie and cast are very charming without the bleakness or gore that a lot of modern vampire films go for. I was surprise by how enjoyable it was.

Recommended, highly for vampire/horror fans.

Movie Review: The Vampire's Ghost (1945)

The Vampire's Ghost (1945) directed by Lesley Selander

Webb Fallon (John Abbott) runs a bar in the central African town of Barunda. A lot of sailors from the river hang out there. Fallon takes them to the cleaners at the craps table. He gives the money to one of the poorer sailors who buys a round for everyone. The captain keeps a chip on his shoulder. In town, Roy (Charles Vance) and Julie (Peggy Stuart) are engaged and looking forward to a life together. Their only problem is the rash of deaths in the area--several people have died with puncture wounds to the throat and blood loss. The white population doesn't know what to make of it but the natives know there is a supernatural monster in their midst. The natives communicate through drums. The drumming has been going on for a long time, putting people on edge. In an attempt to settle things down, Roy plans to go to one of the villages. Fallon volunteers to go with Roy and a group of natives. In the jungle, a booby-trapped rifle almost kills Roy. Fallon manages to push him out of the way and the native behind Fallon is hit in the arm by the bullet. The group camps for the night. The natives figure out Fallon is the vampire but fail to kill him. Roy finally figures it out but Fallon puts Roy under his control so he can't reveal the truth. They go back to Barunda where Roy falls ill. Fallon volunteers to help Julie nurse him back to health. That's when Fallon gets the idea to make Julie a fellow vampire so he'll have a companion for the long stretch of years ahead of him.

For a 1940s vampire movie, this has a lot of distinguishing marks. There's no European castle. Fallon dresses in a white suit and tie--no cape or tuxedo or finery (also, no fangs). He has a box of dirt from his grave that he sleeps on. The box was given to him by Queen Elizabeth when he helped defeat the Spanish Armada four hundred years earlier. Fallon passes off the box's inscription as referring to an ancestor. As a vampire, he's a bit melancholic about his eternal life. The heart of Africa seems like a good hiding place to him, though he recognizes that sooner or later, the situation will turn bad and he will have to move on, like he has done so many times before. He describes time as a circle, monotonous and unending. So Fallon is not at all like Dracula or other slick and exotic vampires from the old black and white films; nor is the location some drafty old castle or modern city.

While Fallon does have some sympathetic aspects to him, he is definitely evil. He is vulnerable to crosses and silver weapons, though he's had some practice in dodging them thanks to 400 years of experience. He clearly likes mastering situations and people. And he's happy to turn on allies like the bar's dancer Lisa (Adele Mara), who draws in customers but is jealous of his attention to Julie. He's able to shift from forlorn to malevolent quickly and convincingly. John Abbott gives a very good performance.

The town has a priest who is an effective counter to the vampire and especially to his influence on people. I found it interesting that the Africans were clued in much faster than the Europeans about what was going on. Even in a short running time (barely 59 minutes), plenty of minor characters get their due during the story. The jungle setting makes for a very interesting location to deal with vampires.

Recommended, highly for vampire fans looking for something different than the usual sparkles or capes.

The movie is available on YouTube for free.

H/T to Hypnogoria podcast for recommending this film as the best of the Republic Pictures horrors produced in the 1940s.

Movie Review: Fright Night (1985)

Fright Night (1985) written and directed by Tom Holland

Teenager Charlie Brewster (William Ragsdale) develops a big problem when someone moves into the house next door. He sees two guys carrying a fancy coffin into the basement. Later, he sees a scantily-clad young lady go for a visit. Charlie sees her and the new home owner, Jerry Dandrige (Chris Sarandon), making out. He sees a bit too much because he sees Dandrige bare his fangs--Dandrige is a vampire! Dandrige sees Charlie watching through the window. Obviously he doesn't want his secret coming out so he threatens Charlie. Charlie enlists the aid of a bullied, nerdy friend who is nicknamed Evil Ed (Stephen Geoffries). Ed doesn't really believe him but knows plenty of vampire lore. Charlie's girlfriend Amy (Amanda Bearse) also doesn't believe him. Charlie goes to the local TV station to ask former horror star Peter Vincent (Rodney McDowell), who starred in a lot of cheesy 1960s and 1970s horror films, for help. Vincent blows him off initially. When Amy and Evil come to Vincent to ask him to pretend to test Dandrige for vampirism so Charlie will back off, Vincent agrees when they offer him five hundred dollars. Dandrige is willing to go along and drink fake holy water to remove suspicion. The act almost works except that Vincent accidentally sees that Dandrige casts no reflection--solid proof that he is a vampire. Vincent rushes the teens out of the house but the conflict is not over.

The movie has a lot going for it. The script is witty in both senses of the term--it's smart and it's funny. The characters are interesting and have their own personalities and foibles. The actors all give good performances, especially Sarandon as the sexy but also menacing vampire and McDowell as the has-been actor who needs to (but doesn't always) rise to the occasion. The terror isn't all from goop and guts, though there is a lot of that stuff at the end. Dandrige toys a lot with Charlie before he moves in for the kill. I personally like how they honor both the "sexy vampire" tradition from Frank Langella's Dracula and also the "ugly vampire" tradition from Nosferatu. The final battle is over the top but not too much over. The very end is a solid finale to the show. This is a very entertaining film.

Recommended--highly for horror or vampire fans.

Movie Review: Let the Right One In (2008)

Let the Right One In (2008) directed by Tomas Alfredson

Oskar (Kare Hedebrant) is a shy, bullied twelve-year old in early 1980s Sweden. His parents are separated, he has no friends, and he's a weakling both physically and morally. A girl (Lina Leandersson) moves in to the next door apartment with an older man, presumably her dad. He meets the girl at night on the small jungle gym in the apartment's courtyard. They sit and have awkward conversations. Her name is Eli and initially she does not want to be friends with Oskar. She also is lonely and withdrawn, but that's because she's a vampire. Her "dad" tries to collect blood for her from various victims he finds in isolated places. I write "tries" because he is very incompetent at his task. Eli winds up fending for herself. With both of them active, the local news is dominated by a killer in the area. The only bright spot is the blossoming friendship between Oskar and Eli, two kids seemingly doomed to misery who might be able to help each other out.

The movie has a sad and weary feeling, like the Swedish winter during which it is set. Oskar's unhappiness is not complete. He still loves his parents and has some fun being with them, though they don't provide him with any help in his problems. Eli encourages him to fight back against the bullies, a strategy that changes Oskar more than his situation. Eli, who has been twelve years old for a long time, has a strained relationship with her "dad" mostly because he does not provide help with her problems. Her nocturnal hunting is not a happy task for her and makes staying in this new town much harder. 

The actors do a great job, especially the two young leads who carry the weight of the story. They make the situation believable, compelling, and heart-breaking. Their frankness with each other helps to make the supernatural elements more mundane and believable. The depiction of vampirism is unsentimental and unsexy. She'll take blood wherever she can get it, even licking it off the floor. Her life is miserable--all she seems to do is hide from the daylight and feed whenever she can. When they first meet, Oskar has a Rubik's Cube, a puzzle she's never seen before, and he loans it to her. She leaves it for him on the jungle gym solved, indicating that she has greater skills (and probably a lot more time) than Oskar. He brings a more human dimension to her life, something beyond mere vampire survival. She brings more strength to him, something beyond mere bully survival. The strength she offers him is brute force, which turns out not to solve his problems. The humanity he offers her is not enough to get her back into society or anything even remotely close to a normal lifestyle. She never puts any effort into changing herself, only changing Oskar. Their ending strikes me as especially tragic for Oskar.

Recommended for a thought-provoking vampire story.

This movie is reviewed on A Good Story is Hard to Find Podcast #292. Check it out for much better commentary than mine!

Dual/Duel Review: Nosferatwo

Dual/Duel reviews are an online smackdown between two books, movies, games, podcasts, etc. etc. that I think are interesting to compare, contrast, and comment on. For a list of other dual/duel reviews, go here.

Since this year (2022 as I publish) is the one hundredth anniversary of the release of Nosferatu, I thought it was high time to give it a review. Since I hadn't seen the remake by Werner Herzog from the 1970s, I couldn't resist the opportunity to make another Dual/Duel review.  

The Hypnogoria podcast has a series celebrating the anniversary with some history and analysis that is well worth listening to. I wouldn't have known about the centenary without listening to this fine podcast.

This year is also the fiftieth anniversary of The Godfather, so another Dual/Duel review is coming soon. Or maybe it's a The Sequel Was Better candidate...

Nosferatu, eine Symphonie des Graunes (1922) co-written and directed by F. W. Murnau

Hutter (Gustav von Wagenheim) is very happily married to Ellen (Greta Schroder). They live an idyllic life in Wisborn, Germany. That life changes when Hutter's boss Knock (Alexander Granach) sends him off to Transylvania to complete a contract with Count Orlok (Max Schrek) who wants to buy a house in Wisborn. Ellen is worried about her husband and has a tearful goodbye. She moves in with some neighbors while he's gone. 

Hutter's trip gets interesting when he stops at a tavern about a day's journey from Orlok's castle. He asks to hurry up the meal because he has to visit Orlok; every patron at the bar suddenly looks somber and afraid. They convince him to wait until morning to continue his trip. In his room, he finds a book on the occult that describes various vampiric practices. He laughs and sticks it in his bag. The next morning, he continues on, though the stage coach will only take him as far as a bridge that leads to Orlok's lands. Hutter walks across the bridge and is picked up by a mysterious carriage with a heavily cloaked figure. He has a spooky ride to the castle. The castle is mostly empty except for Orlok, who claims his servants are asleep already. At dinner, Hutter cuts his finger and Orlok sees blood...and goes after it. Hutter is disturbed though the next morning he laughs it off. He also discovers two wounds on his neck. In a letter to Ellen, he claims the mosquitos are bad here. Ellen has been having troubled sleep because of her husband's jeopardy. The next night, Orlok sees a picture of Ellen and is smitten, telling Hutter she has a beautiful neck. In the morning, Hutter discovers Orlok's resting place, a coffin in the lower rooms of the castle! He tries to flee but is trapped in the castle. 

He sees Orlok load up six coffins filled with dirt. Orlok gets into the final coffin and magics the lid on. The driverless cart then speeds off. The cart arrives at a ship where the sailors load up the coffins. The crew opens one coffin on the shore and are surprised by the dirt. They tip it over and tons of rats go crawling out. Undaunted, they load the rest of the sinister cargo and sail off. On board, one sailor gets sick and sees visions (or are they?) of Orlok below decks. Eventually the crew is wiped out and the captain ties himself to the steering wheel, forcing the ship to Wisborn. 

Meanwhile, Hutter has escaped from the castle by tying strips of sheets together and descending out of his window. He still has a bit of a fall and is eventually found by farmers who take him to a hospital. He recovers and races off overland to Wisborn to protect his wife. 

Back in Wisborn, Knock has been locked up as insane. He starts eating flies and spiders with glee, waiting for "The Master" to return. Ellen is still having hard times sleeping; a local doctor thinks it's nothing to be worried about, just a blood disorder. Local Paracelsian, Professor Bulwer (John Gottowt) lectures on carnivorous plants and other weird horrors of nature and seems more open to supernatural explanations. 

The ship arrives in Wisborn. Orlok sneaks into town with his coffins of dirt. People claim there's an outbreak of plague and a quarantine is declared. Hutter makes it back to his wife, who discovers the occult book and reads about how to defeat the vampire--a virtuous woman must freely offer her blood and trick the vampire into staying up past dawn. She asks her husband to go and get Bulwer. Orlok comes over and she makes her sacrifice. Orlok realizes too late that the sun has risen. As he tries to cross the window, the sunlight reduces him to ashes. A closing shot shows his castle reduced to ruins, joining the fate of its owner.

The movie is clearly based on Bram Stoker's novel Dracula, though it does take significant liberties. The massive cast of characters is reduced to a handful (which is understandable for a 94 minute movie). Names and locations are changed. The filmmakers were sued by Stoker's estate and the movie was suppressed with more or less success. The plague subplot is not in the novel and was meant to capitalize on the fear generated by the Spanish Influenza epidemic that just ended. Watching it in 2022 as the Covid pandemic is winding down makes it a good time to watch with hundred-year old eyes.

Murnau was one of the most popular German Expressionist directors and uses the style here. Orlok's castle has a lot of weird rooms. Even the trip to the castle has a many strange and unsettling visual effects. Bulwer is in the show mainly for atmosphere, showcasing the creepy side of science and nature. Characters' facial hair is often exaggerated, including some amazing eyebrows. Orlok himself looks very feral and rat-like. His fangs are two sharp incisors. His long, boney fingers contrast with his bulbous, bald head. Schreck gives a great performance with his creepy eyes and stilted mannerisms. Some of the vampire's movements, like rising out of his coffin, show his unnatural abilities. His walk through nighttime Wisborn carrying the coffin is a bit comical, the only flaw in an otherwise great depiction.

The movie is visually amazing and does a great job getting a lot of action and some nice bits of comedy in its short running time. I watched the Image DVD which features the Alloy Orchestra accompaniment along with an organ score and a commentary track and some nice special features. The movie is also available on streaming from Kanopy.

Highly recommended.

Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979) written and directed by Werner Herzog

Jonathan Harker (Bruno Ganz) is sent by his employer Renfield (Roland Topor) to sell a house to Count Dracula (Klaus Kinski). Renfield is already fairly crazy but the promise of a huge commission gets Harker's interest. He wants to get a larger, better house for his wife Lucy (Isabelle Adjani). She's been disturbed in her sleep with bad and surreal dreams of doom. He turns her over to some neighbors (the neighbor's wife is called Mina) in Wismar, and heads off on horseback to Transylvania. He has the same meal-in-a-tavern scene as Hutter, though the bar has a social (and physical) distance between the owner and the gypsies. The owner appeals to the gypsies to dissuade Harker from going to the castle. Around a campfire, the owner translates a speech from the head gypsy describing the horrors that lay ahead. Harker is undeterred, even after the owner's wife gives him a cross and a book of folklore about vampires. He sets off on foot the next day to the castle.

The trip is long, and a bit boring/scenic, but he is eventually overtaken by a coach that transports him the rest of the way. At the castle, he sees a boy playing violin outside. Inside, it's the usual spooky doors and lone count who wants to get the paperwork done quickly. Dracula is pale and bald with two pointy teeth in front, but he's not as extreme looking as Orlok. There's the dinner scene with the finger cut. Dracula at first resists forcing himself on Harker, but does suck on his finger. The horrified Harker retreats to a fireplace where Dracula suggests they just sit and wait for dawn. Harker has already been backed into a chair. He falls asleep after a while of Dracula waxing poetic about "The children of the night" making music--that's the sound of wolves howling in the distance. Dracula is a very melancholic figure, complaining about some creatures who can never die, even if they want to. When Harker falls asleep, Lucy wakes up back home, shrieking. Dr. Van Helsing comes to treat her. He is strictly focused on scientific answers to her problems.

The next day, Harker explores the castle and discovers the tomb of Dracula. The next night, they finish up the paperwork. Dracula locks Harker in, then he stacks a bunch of coffins on a cart, putting himself in one. The cart trundles off as Harker desperately searches for an exit. He's reduced to tearing up sheets to make a rope. The rope isn't quite long enough and he crashes just outside the castle. The violinist discovers him and Harker winds up in a hospital.

Meanwhile, the coffins are loaded onto a boat with a nosy inspector discovering one of the coffins full of rats. Undeterred, he lets the ship depart with its cargo. There are a lot of loving shots of the ship at sea. The captain logs that the crew is slowly disappearing or getting sick. The remaining crew think a stranger is on board. The captain winds up lashing himself to the wheel as Dracula comes on deck.

Harker leaves the hospital before he is fully cured because he wants to beat the black coffins back home. He finds a horse and races on. The ship gets their first, though the only human body left on the ship is the captain's. The ship has tons of rats on board, who come onto land when a party boards to investigate. The captain's body is taken to the town council who can't make heads or tails of the situation. They read the captain's log entries and panic when he suggests that plague is the cause of the on-board deaths. The councilmen all race home and the town goes into lockdown. Renfield has been doing his crazy bit on and off in the local jail.

At this point, Harker returns though he is a shell of his former self. He's taken to the neighbor's house though he does not recognize Lucy. They take him in and she reads the occult book about vampires and Harker's journal of what happened at the castle. She tries to enlist Van Helsing, though he refuses to give in to superstition and faith. They have a little argument where she claims faith is believing in things you know to be false. She starts her campaign against Dracula by taking Eucharistic hosts and crumbling them up in one of his coffins (thus preventing him from returning). The townsfolk have given in to despair and are partying in the town square, trying to die happily. Lucy refuses to join in. When she gets back to the house, Mina has died and Mina' husband has gone insane and fled. Renfield breaks out of jail and goes to "The Master," who informs Renfield to go north and have the army of rats follow him, presumably to spread the plague. 

Harker is also deteriorating, so Lucy corners him in a chair and crumbles up hosts around him, effectively trapping him in the chair. She then prepares to summon Dracula so that she can keep him out till after "cock crows" so that he will be defeated. Dracula shows up, starts fondling her, and then gets to the business of drinking her dry. He almost quits but she forces him back down on her neck. Finally, the cock crows and he curls up in a corner incapacitated. Van Helsing shows up and realizes Dracula really is a vampire and Lucy is dead. He fetches a hammer and stake and kills Dracula off-screen. Harker is distraught at this. When Van Helsing comes back downstairs, Harker accuses him of murdering the Count. Some local officials have shown up and have an argument about whether they can arrest him and where to take him. One of them takes Van Helsing into custody. Harker then orders one of the servants to dust up all the crumbs. Once he is free, he shows his two pointy teeth and heads off, presumably to start more trouble elsewhere.

This movie is much more comfortable using the names of characters from the novel. Some of the roles from the novel are mixed up, like Lucy being Harker's wife and Mina being the friend, or Van Helsing being a strict scientist who lacks occult expertise. The plot is still essentially the one from the first movie with some additionsThe changes are a big shift in the Orlok/Dracula character and at the end. 

This movie is a lot more contemplative, lingering on scenes and visuals. The opening credits are over an extensive montage of desiccated corpses. Harker's trip through the mountains is more detailed and scenic. The feasting on the town square is shown at length as empty bravado in the face of the plague-caused doom. The movie's philosophical discussions about faith, science, and the undying nature of the vampire show a lot more thought, even when they are hard to agree with (e.g., faith is believing in things you can't be certain of, not things you know are false).

This vampire is quite sympathetic, often pathetically going after blood when he can. He also seems depressed and reluctant to do evil. Dracula shows a lot of existential anguish. The ending is different from the book and the first movie, with Harker going off to be the next Dracula and the heroine left dead. It's quite shocking and pessimistic.

Which is better?

Let's look at some elements of each film:

• The depiction of the vampire: The original film treats Orlok as a predator and a horror. He is unsympathetic in the extreme and a force for evil. Herzog's Dracula is a lot more sympathetic as he causes a lot of destruction in his wake. Viewers are clearly meant to feel bad for his burden of immortality. He's not quite as ugly though he is just as aggressive. Personally, I like the rat-faced monster much better as an honest look at how bad a vampire is. Slight advantage Murnau.
• The depiction of religious elements: The first film is chock-full of occult writing and imagery. Christianity is left out, depriving the characters of the typical tools of the vampire-fighting trade. There's still a sense that occult matters are something to be avoided, i.e. they are bad. The second film has a more Catholic sensibility, even using the Eucharist to hamper the vampire (which is something that happens in Stoker's novel). When it comes to dispatching the vampire, Herzog's heroes follow the typical methods. This winds up as a tie.
• Relation to the original novel: The first film starts off quite faithful to the novel, with just name and location substitutions. The second half is more original, making the wife the true hero and slayer of the vampire, not the novel's set of male hunters. The second film takes its cues from the first film, though it does use the names from the novel. The jumbling of the character names is a little confusing but not too bad. Advantage Murnau. 
• Visual style: As mentioned above, the first film is a classic in Expressionism, which has a distinctive style that is especially suited to fantastic stories. Nobody makes films like this nowadays, so it looks fresh and different. Some of the special effects are fairly primitive but I usually make allowances for when a film was made as long as they made a sincere effort (like the original King Kong) and do have some talent (unlike Plan 9 from Outer Space). The second film has the lingering, existential style the Herzog has displayed throughout his career. I like it as well though viewers may find bits too drawn out. It's hard to compare the two styles without reverting to personal preferences, so: Tie.
• The ending: The first film has the vampire completely vanquished. The second film has Dracula being dispatched, but vampirism lives on in his disciples, leaving viewers on a down beat. Advantage Murnau

Winner:

Nosferatu, eine Symphonie des Graunes 

Loser:

Nosferatu the Vampyre 

Both are interesting films and are available to stream on Kanopy. Try them out yourself!

Book Review: Mr. Higgins Comes Home by M. Mignola et al.

Mr. Higgins Comes Home story by Mike Mignola and art by Warwick Johnson-Cadwell

Two vampire hunters head to eastern Europe in hopes of cleaning out Castle Golga. A large group of vampires are gathering for Walpurgis Night; the hunters hope to get the drop on the vampires the morning after the big party. Their ace in the hole is Mr. Higgins, an old man who once visited Castle Golga by accident on his honeymoon with horrible consequences. They want Higgins to lead them to the castle's crypt. Higgins wants them to end his suffering. They strike a deal, but the plan goes awry when Countess Golga invites them to the festivities.

The story is a classic Mignola reimagining of another story. In this case, he retells a typical Hammer horror film plot. It's both fun and tragically melancholic. The art has elements of Mignola's style but is less dark and stark. The art is good but not as effective as Mignola's. The book is an enjoyable and quick read.

Recommended.

TV Review: V Wars (2019)

V Wars (2019) based on the book series by Jonathan Maberry

Dr. Luther Swann (Ian Somerhalder) has lost touch with his research outpost in the Arctic. He goes with his best friend Michael Fayne (Adrian Holmes) to investigate. They find some unearthed humanish remains and the dead body of one of the two researchers. They also get exposed to an ancient virus that was preserved in the ice and released with the thawing of the humanish remains. Returning to civilization, Michael develops a powerful hunger for human blood, along with heightened speed, strength, and senses. Swann is unaffected. They both start to infect other people, most of whom turn into the vampire-like creature that Michael has become. Michael, as patient zero, assumes leadership of what he calls a new species, the Bloods. Swann, meanwhile, works to find a cure. He's given a lot of resources though little freedom when a federal agency sweeps in to deal with the issue. Initially the feds wants to keep things quiet and contained. An enterprising blogger (Kaylee Vo) who has been trying to make money off her Goth-obsessed website hits pay dirt when she's able to get the scoop on the rise of the vampires. She creates enough exposure to bring the conflict out into the open.

The threat of a viral outbreak that will change the world has been used before, mostly in zombie stories like World War Z or 28 Days Later.... Switching it from zombies to vampires might seem like an original twist except that Richard Matheson did that with I Am Legend which has had several movie versions. An unoriginal premise might be okay if the creators threw in some clever twists or some good dialogue or some intriguing insights or some fine performances or some visual flare. None of those are present in V Wars. One or two original ideas are quickly abandoned in favor of the cliched plotting. Some moment make no sense whatsoever. At one point, Swann's ex-wife appears on the blogger's web site in a video that disparages Swann. He calls his ex and they meet at a restaurant to hash it out. This happens while he's work for the feds in what seems like a completely secured facility. How did he get out for a lunch date with his wife? Why is he surprised when one of the soldiers followed him there and the soldier intervenes when the ex starts beating on Swann? Sure the scene is a dramatic moment but it is not at all plausibly set up or executed. The show has far too many scenes similar to this one. This series just does not work.

Not recommended. It is streaming on Netflix, but don't bother.

Movie Review: Dracula (1931)

Dracula (1931) directed by Todd Browning

The 1931 movie version of Bram Stoker's novel Dracula features the iconic performance of Bela Lugosi as the titular vampire. The performance seems riddled with cliches (the cape and overly formal eveningwear; the odd Eastern European accent (Lugosi was Hungarian); the bony outstretched hands; the blazing, penetrating eyes) except that this is the source of the cliches. In the 1930s, all of this was original, bizarre, and terrifying. Lugosi has a strong screen presence and can switch from suave to menacing with great effectiveness. He set the character in stone for everyone who came after him. Unfortunately, he became typecast--always able to get a job, but always the same job.

The other standout performance is Dwight Frye as Renfield, the estate agent turned Dracula's lackey. He vacillates between sanity and lunacy; loyalty to and betrayal of Dracula; desire for his own well-being and that of his "master." The performance looks over-the-top at times, but fits well into the expressionistic tone of the film.

The production's look is also very iconic. Dracula's castle and his home in England are rundown, cobwebby, and crumbling. Some of the sets are huge, with sweeping staircases dwarfing the characters. In a great scene, Dracula walks through the cobwebs covering a staircase while his guest practically has to beat away a spider to get through. Van Helsing's blend of scientific apparatus and folkloric resources makes a nice contrast to Dracula's elegant appearance and predatory actions.

The story moves along swiftly, almost too swiftly at times. The filmmakers assume a certain familiarity with the story and leave some things unexplained, like Dracula's wives at his Transylvanian castle who appear and stalk Renfield (who is the estate agent, not Harker) though they are never identified. They are certainly creepy. Lucy becoming a vampire and preying on children is barely mentioned and resolved so far off screen that it's easy to miss. I think the film still works, but it works much better if you have read the book.

This movie well deserves its status as a classic horror film. As a side note, the opening credits have ruined Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake for me, which I have always associated with vampires since I first saw this movie as a kid.

Highly recommended.

Movie Review: Night Watch (2004)

Night Watch (2004) co-written and directed by Timur Bekmambetov

In modern-day Moscow, Anton goes to an old crone with magical powers to get his girlfriend back. She agrees to help him but tells him his girlfriend is pregnant with the other guy's baby. She can make the woman come back to him but that requires killing the baby. Anton needs to take the moral responsibility on himself--he has to choose deliberately to commit this sin. He skeptically agrees and she begins concocting a potion. He drinks it and then she has to clap her hands to kill the baby. At the last minute, he changes his mind. Before he can stop her, she seems to be possessed. Something is preventing her from clapping. As the potion disorients Anton, he can see some other people in the apartment manhandling the witch. They subdue her and then start filling out paperwork on her illegal use of magic. Anton asks them what is going on. They realize he can see them and that he is an Other.

The Others are a special minority of the population that have mystical abilities. Some are vampires, others shapeshifters, still others clairvoyants. These Others have existed for centuries and the good Light Others have been at war with the evil Dark Others. In medieval times, the two sides had a large but indecisive battle. The two leaders (Geser for the Light and Zavulon for the Dark) make a truce where they will regulate each others' action, especially when dealing with regular mortals. The Light Others form the Night Watch to keep an eye on the activities of the Dark Others. The Day Watch is made of Dark Others who police the activities of the Light Others. The truce has been a precarious balance that risks falling into a world-ending conflict.

Anton decides to be a Light Other and joins the Night Watch (Others always have a choice to be good or evil and must explicitly choose which side they will be on). He becomes a field agent but is not very good. His current assignment is to follow a young boy who is being lured by Dark vampires. As he goes along, he spots a young women who has a special curse that may trigger the world-ending conflict. Geser wants to maintain the status quo but Zavulon schemes to get the boy and maybe end the world.

The movie is a Russian production with a highly-stylized, slick, dystopian look (or maybe it's just post-Soviet grunge). The visuals are inventive. Even the subtitles are crafted to enhance the storytelling. When the Dark vampires call the boy, the hypnotic voice has red subtitles that wash in and out like red mist or blood in water. The movie is impressive just for watching.

The story is also well told. The Night Watch, even though they are the side of light and good, have questionable methods and plenty of flaws. Anton is a mess and slowly gets his act together through the film, though not enough for a very happy ending. Doing the right thing is never easy and making up for past mistakes is a greater challenge than any characters can anticipate. The movie has some nice ethical complexity to go along with the production values.

Movie Review: Hotel Transylvania (2012)

Hotel Transylvania (2012) directed by Genndy Tartakovsky

Dracula (voiced by Adam Sandler) has a daughter he wants to protect from all the horrible humans in the world, so he has a special castle built out in the middle of a spooky woods where no sensible human would ever go. The castle is also a hotel that welcomes all monsters. It's a safe retreat from the real world. Every year he holds a birthday party for his daughter Mavis and invites all his monster pals to come celebrate. This particular party is Mavis's 118th birthday--she's old enough to drive a hearse and wants to explore the rest of the world. Dracula knows how dangerous it is, so he constructs a fake village near the castle and has his hotel workers (who are zombies) masquerade as despicable humans to scare her into not going any further into the real world. The plan works, except a plucky young human hiker named Jonathan spots the village and follows the zombies back to the castle. When he walks in the front door, Dracula has a problem--if his guests discover a human at the castle, it's the end of Hotel Transylvania. A second problem develops--Jonathan (disguised as a monster) and Mavis hit it off. What could be worse?

The plot unfolds in a predictable fashion as Dracula goes through various shenanigans to keep the secret about Jonathan and break up the romantic feelings developing between his daughter and a human. The movie is aimed at children, so perhaps it isn't so bad that the plot is obvious. I found it a bit uninteresting and started noticing other things, like scenes that were clearly designed as 3D, which are less impressive in 2D. Or Adam Sandler's performance, which is lackluster. Dracula runs into several people who say, "You're Dracula, so you say 'bleh, bleh, bleh!'" which he vehemently denies, though he exhibits every other Dracula cliche (except for the sexiness, thankfully).  There wasn't anything particularly memorable or interesting about any of the other monsters or the few humans in the story.

Maybe all of this would have been less noticeable to me if the characters were more endearing or the movie had been funnier. BBC film reviewer Mark Kermode has a "six laugh test" for a comedy. I'm sure I didn't laugh six times, but the children I saw it with (at the kids' school) laughed more than I did. A few risqué jokes are thrown in to entertain the grown ups but I didn't hear any grown ups laughing at those.

This movie was a disappointing to me. I was expecting more creativity or maybe a more daring theme than "tolerate others who are different from you." If you want a kid-friendly horror animated movie, there are plenty of better ones like Coraline, The Nightmare Before Christmas, or Halloween is Grinch Night.

Not Exactly a Vampire Pacifier

In the world of interesting products that look like good gag gifts, I saw this in a local thrift store:

Man, don't talk to us about kids staying up late

I guess it's better than the BugBite Teether that trains kids to defend themselves from zombies by improving their own biting skills. But as you will note, this vampire pacifier (which probably was a gag gift) is still in its packaging and is shelved at a thrift store and is only 50 cents (which is about 30 pence in British money) and still hasn't sold. I leave you to draw your own conclusions.

On the other hand, and I don't want to judge any of you fine readers, maybe you are thinking this would be totally awesome for your own child or for the child of a friend/co-worker/family member. Perhaps you are thinking of a way to ask me to buy it for you and send it along. Why not just pick it up at Amazon? The reviews there are quite enthusiastically positive. Many have used this in baby Halloween costumes with great results.