Zombie Parents?!?

A new and frightening experiment has begun in our home. Our children are trying to start a zombie army.

In the old days (before the 20th century), you'd use black magic or voodoo to raise a group of undead humans to do your bidding. In the 20th century things got out of hand with the advent of radiation-induced zombies (often by accident, so they were nobody's army, just shambling hordes bent on eating the living) or pharmacological zombies (why can't we just say no to drugs? Darn medical-industrial complex).

The 21st century brings forth a new method for creating zombies: sleep deprivation. A child cries out in the night. A parent (or both) respond. The child cries again. And again. And again. By the time dawn arrives, a parent is turned. Maybe both. They shamble around the house in the morning and try to make breakfast without making any mistakes, like OJ in the breakfast cereal or salt instead of sugar in the tea. Speaking of tea, I tried to drink from an empty mug one morning. The kettle was still boiling. My mind was elsewhere.

After breakfast, the parent or parents shamble about moaning, "Sleep, sleep!" for most of the day. It doesn't matter whether you are staying at home or going to work. The result is still the same. The parent becomes docile and loses the ability to think. Pretty soon the child is in complete control, a zombie overlord or overlady, if you will.

Yes, sleep-deprivation zombies are the wave of the future. You could be next. Even if you have only one child, you are still at risk. This blog is here to help you fight back, or at least survive another round.

Here's an artist's depiction of our family just before the second child was born:

I wish my hair looked that good

If your two-year old son or daughter shows an inordinate interest in PlayStation or xBox controllers, beware! You definitely are next...