Thursday, October 7, 2010

Letter to a New Zombie Parent

Here is an edited version of a letter my wife sent to a friend who has recently been turned to a zombie parent by her lovely first-born son. Names have been changed to fool the gullible.


It was great to talk to you today. I'm sorry that YOUR ZOMBIE OVERLORD SON isn't sleeping better. It's a problem as old as motherhood! Some people say that some babies sleep better in a more enclosed space at first. If you want to try our bassinet we can bring it over any time. I liked to pull it right next to my bed so I could reach my hand in and insert the pacifier without sitting up.

I've heard that for a lot of people that co-sleeping really makes the baby sleep better, even if they're not touching you, sometimes I think just hearing your breathing and smelling you on the sheets is helpful. We let OUR SECOND ZOMBIE OVERLORD WHO IS IN FACT AN OVERLADY sleep in our bed for many nights during the first few months. If you're nervous about safety issues you could try something like this: But I think that studies show that unless you are on drugs or are drinking that the baby is just as safe with you in bed as in the crib.

I always found that my babies slept better the tighter they were swaddled.  With the velcro swaddlers it's tough to get a tight fit when they're little. SENTENCE DELETED FOR BEING FAR TOO SCANDALOUS. OVERLADY, I'm sorry. Some of my friends liked this one: And, of course, with OVERLADY it helped to attach a stuffed animal to the pacifier. This was the inspiration:

I've also heard that if you sleep and nurse in a T-shirt and get it nice and smelling like you, that you can put this in the crib to help them sleep.

Who knows, all this stuff could be superstition - one night the baby just decides to sleep for reasons of their own, and we zombie parents decide it must be because of the last desperate thing we tried :)

We all love you and will pray for your good sleep tonight!


1 comment:

  1. Your wife is both wise and kind. And the next to the last sentence pretty much sums it up - babies will sleep when they are good and ready to sleep (read: when they get bored of torturing their parents with sleep deprivation techniques).